


Disenthralled Love

by astroscupcake



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Myungjin established relationship, Sanha and Bin are brothers, SinB from gfriend is mentioned, Soulmate AU, The rest four are idols, Unrequited Love, cuddles/cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24908317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astroscupcake/pseuds/astroscupcake
Summary: When Sanha finally saw color flush into his world, dread filled him.Soulmate au where you see the world in black and white until you see your soulmate.
Relationships: Kim Myungjun | MJ/Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin/Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Moon Bin/Park Minhyuk | Rocky
Comments: 17
Kudos: 54





	Disenthralled Love

**Author's Note:**

> soooo my first astro fic, first one that I’m posting at least  
> gosh this is making me nervous  
> anyway  
> shoutout to @Faeremma and @vonseal for encouraging me and to @Astrosfaerydae for beta reading  
> (Idk if the tagging works, if doesn’t someone teach me how pls)  
> without these three , the fic would end up half done and left to rot in drafts among others  
> thank you so much, i love you three <3

_  
November 20, 2017_

A person’s world remained in the monotonous black and white until they see their soulmate. Their world will be flooded in all varieties of vibrant colors the moment they have seen their soulmate. You can only recognize your soulmate when or after you turn 20 years of age. People decide to travel and meet other strangers a lot in hopes to find their soulmate. The idea of having a soulmate doesn’t mean you have to choose them and them only was beginning to spread few decades ago. Soon enough, people began accepting soulmates as the best choice provided by god or whatever created this universe, not necessarily meaning the soulmate was their only choice. It was even proved that nothing went wrong with two people who were soulmates didn’t choose to have each other as soulmates.

With that, people began searching for their soulmates only for the purpose of bringing color into their lives. Although, majority of people ended up with their soulmates, there were a good huge amount of people who chose otherwise. There were some sad stories of one half of the soulmates having a one-sided love for the other part of them as well.

Yoon Sanha wondered which story he’d end up with. He’d like to think he and his soulmate would just like each other and not go for anyone else. Even though there were a lot of couples around him that were not destined soulmates, that including his parents, he was still afraid that he wouldn’t be able to find any better match for himself other than his soulmate.

Sanha was 17 now, his 18 approaching in less than half a year, just two years would be left after that for his life to be filled in color. He hoped it’d only be two and not that he’d end up searching life-long for his soulmate to paint his vision of the world.

More than him though, it was his older brother, Moonbin, who was extra hyped. Sanha was also happy for his hyung. His birthday was in 3 months, his 20th birthday.

Moonbin, from god knows when, talked Sanha’s ear off about his favorite idol group and his hopes for his bias in the group to be his soulmate. Sanha thought it was sad. Sad how millions of fans would expect to be their bias’s soulmate but be disappointed on their birthday. Oh well, it meant that there was someone better for them saved somewhere.

Celebrities and fans being soulmates was also not uncommon. There were no lash backs from the fandoms because they knew how soulmates worked. Even two members of the same idol group being soulmates wasn’t uncommon. Practically, any gender was accepted as any other gender’s soulmate.

The idol group that was his hyung’s favorite had two of its members as soulmates. The idol boy group, Astro, had four members. They were globally famous, of course they were. When they had debuted, people went crazy over the visuals of one of the members. His stage name was Cha Eunwoo, real name was Lee Dongmin. His face was the epitome of perfections and so was his life. He was a model student and had rankings in sports as well. So, people being whipped for him was very self-explanatory. One of the people being his hyung.

Bin’s bias was Dongmin, he was madly in love with the God-face. Other that the ethereal being who was a talented vocalist, there were three other members who also got the recognition they deserved after working hard for three years. The group was considered a full visual group later on. The other three members were Rocky, MJ and Jinjin.

MJ and Jinjin were soulmates, and chose to stay with each other. They were soon even considered as the ultimate couple in the industry due to them being couple goals. Their actual names were Kim Myungjun and Park Jinwoo respectively. Jinwoo was the leader and main rapper of the group, even though Myungjun, the main vocalist, was older.

Rocky was the main dancer of the group as well as a rapper, but he could practically do anything. His actual name was Park Minhyuk. Sanha was quite impressed by Minhyuk and only held up to his hyung’s rantings about the group because Minhyuk was a commendable artist. Minhyuk and Dongmin were dating, although they weren’t soulmates. They hadn’t said anything about breaking up if they found their soulmates, but fans suspected they’d stay together even after finding their soulmates.

Sanha remembered how Bin was all pouty for a week straight when Chaky (that was their ship name) first started dating. Even now as they sat in the living room, Bin putting on a variety show in which Astro was, Sanha could see him trying to not pout and squeal at the same time at Chaky moments.

Sanha stared at the big screen, finding himself ogling at Minhyuk’s charismatic smile. He wondered if he started liking Minhyuk more than he was supposed to like an idol. Bin surely liked Dongmin more than he was supposed to like an idol.

Sanha softly sighed, “Hyung?”

Bin hummed in response; eyes still glued to the television. Sanha continued regardless, “What if Eunwoo actually turns out to be your soulmate?”

Bin went quiet long enough for Sanha to wonder if his question was heard in the first place.

“Well, don’t you already know? He is my soulmate! We’ll get married after I fill his dull vision with vibrance!” Bin proceeded to thump his chest with a proud face and then broke into his familiar Cheshire cat grin.

Sanha just shook his head; he should’ve known Bin will not take anything seriously. His went back to the screen with a laugh from Minhyuk ringing in his ears. He started wondering when he noticed Minhyuk’s well-defined face structure, charismatic laugh and smile and the amount of confidence the dancer gave off just from his stance. He wondered if he was finally turning into a fanboy, all courtesy to Moonbin, and having a small crush on Minhyuk.

_25 January, 2018_

“Let’s watch this one instead of the drama.” Bin said switching tabs on the laptop to a new variety show’s episode with Astro in it. Sanha had no choice but to agree, he had been binge-watching his choice of drama after dinner with Bin. Besides, when the clock hit 12 am it would be Bin’s birthday, he should let Bin have his way since there was less than half hour for it.

They had always done this for each other’s birthdays; the day before, they’d stay up after dinner together, binge-watching anything until 12am and then wishing the one with a birthday gift. It was just a thing they had; each other being the first one to wish before anyone else.

They were sitting on Bin’s bed in the room they both shared. The minutes passed by just laughing like crazy at the group’s dynamic. Sanha wasn’t into k-pop, but they might be his favorite group. His phone vibrated beside him; he had kept an alarm for a minute before 12am because he knew they’d be too immersed in whatever they’d be watching. He paused the video playing and looked at the clock as second by second passed by.

The clock struck 12, he turned to Bin giving a soft smile, “Happy birthday, hyung. I hope your soulmate will be worthy of you.”

Bin chuckled putting Sanha in a headlock before he could react and ruffled his hair, “Ah, you’re so cheesy.”

Sanha escaped fast enough and shook his head, “Wondering if I should give you your gift at all.”

“You’re scared of me, so you’ll give it either way.” The signature Cheshire cat grin was on Bin’s face.

Sanha rolled his eyes and walked to his study table. He opened his drawer, took the neat, pale yellow envelope and plopped down on the bed again. He threw it at Bin, “Got enough for an album.”

Bin’s eyes widened slightly; he opened the envelope quickly looking at the contents. “Woah, Sanha did you get paid for killing someone?”

“Yah!” He hit his hyung playfully, pouting.

Bin chuckled, “I’m kidding, where’d you get all this?”

“I helped mom and dad around for paying me.”

“This much?”

“I helped for years, I’ve got much for myself too, you know.”

“You can’t give it all to me?”

“Should’ve struck a deal instead of sleeping if you wanted money.”

Bin pouted, “I was going to say thanks but not after that.” He turned to lie down on his stomach, snuggling his face into a pillow with the laptop in front of him, “Let’s continue.”

Sanha lay down beside him, resuming the video. The current frame had Minhyuk showing off his dancing and choreography skills with random songs playing and amazing the hosts. A very bubbly girl group song started playing and Minhyuk paused to think. Before anything Myungjun dived in and started with his antics and somehow made Minhyuk join him, leaving the hosts and the other two members laughing on the floor.

Sanha started laughing as well as the frames switched to showing Jinwoo and Dongmin dying with laughter. A few seconds later, Sanha noticed Bin wasn’t laughing but staring at the screen in devastation. Sanha paused the video, “Hyung?”

“No.” Was the only thing Bin said before getting up suddenly causing Sanha to sit up as well. He grabbed Sanha’s face and forced him to look down. Sanha was highly confused as Bin pushed Sanha away and started grabbing random objects, looking at them, moving around in panicked steps.

He finally came back and sat in front of Sanha, who didn’t dare to move upon seeing his hyungs pupil’s blown in anxiety, breathing rashly.

His voice had come back as Bin seemed to be calming down. “Hyung?” It was so inaudible, Sanha wasn’t sure he had spoken at all.

“S-Sanha…” Bin’s voice was shaking, “You have brown hair.”

Sanha knew he did. His parents had told them, although he never knew what the color looked like. That coming from Bin though, at this point of time, meant something else.

Sanha gasped quietly as he glanced back to the laptop screen which showed the still of Dongmin and Jinwoo with huge grins, in middle of a laugh. In middle of complete obliviousness.

“Is it Dongmin?” Sanha whispered, knowing the answer. Bin said nothing, staring blankly at the screen. His eyes met Sanha’s and he broke into a quiet sob.

“What am I going to do?” Bin’s broken voice came as a hoarse whisper while he vigorously rubbed at his eyes.

Sanha, for one, didn’t know. All he could do was try and provide the little comfort of letting Bin cry into his shoulder all the devastation of already knowing how everything was going to be. Bin joked around about Dongmin being his designated soulmate all the time; how was he to know and face that it was the truth, after having seen that the man is already set on another decision.

Sanha felt a pinch of despise against the face genius, knowing Bin wouldn’t be the same in the morning or any other morning. A tiny part of him wished Bin could have a different soulmate, a one that would love him back. Another part of him hoped Bin could find someone else, despite knowing how difficult that would be since Bin was genuinely in love with Dongmin. Another whimsical part of him wanted this to be a fanfic, where Dongmin would love Bin back.

He just wanted his hyung to be happy.

. . .

Sanha strummed on his guitar mindlessly as he heard the flipping of pages at intervals. He looked up from his fingers to Bin, sitting on his bed, holding a book in front of him, the only book he would ever read so diligently. It was a book with all the colors and shades with their names. Bin had bought it some years back, claiming it would be helpful to the both of them. It of course would be.

Sanha hummed softly to the random chords he started playing. He could hear the soft sigh from the man across him with every page being turned.

“What will you do?” Sanha quietly asked after a while.

Bin looked up at Sanha with no expression, reminding Sanha of a cat. “I,” Bin paused, thoughtfully gazing at Sanha’s guitar. “I’ll think about it later.”

Sanha looked at Bin for a while, who resumed to flip through the book. He hummed quietly in response, going back to his strumming.

_15 January, 2019_

Bin’s statement of “I’ll think about it later.” went on for a whole _year_ before Bin actually did anything at all. It wasn’t even Bin who did something. Sanha had to take it upon himself to push his hyung into handling the problem.

“They have a fan sign during your birthday.” Sanha began. The coincidence surprised him, seeming very cliché. Bin, who was lazing on the couch, watching at the most recent behind of the live stages of the current comeback, hummed absent-mindedly.

Sanha sighed softly, “You wanna go?”

It happened all at once. He got up from the couch so fast that he fell from the awkwardly comfortable position he was in and he spoke before implying the fact that he was hurt. “What?” His were wide open looking at Sanha as if Sanha said he dealt drugs since the age of 14.

He proceeded to stand up in a few more seconds, stretching a little and sat on the couch, “Ouch.”

Sanha took the chip bag that was in the table in front of the couch and munched on a few pieces, looking at Bin expectantly.

“You’re serious?” Bin’s attention was on Sanha, all the giggling from the television seeming to fade. Sanha simply nodded and sat down cross-legged on the recliner beside the couch.

Bin was quiet for a bit, “Just how rich are you? We live in the same house!”

Sanha rolled his eyes, “Unlike you, who was busy eating self-pity, I, being the caring dongsaeng I am, did something about it since you wouldn’t.”

“How very nice of you. I am honored, Your Majesty.” Bin dramatically replied.

“Okay, I’m going with Eun-bi noona.” Sanha smirked, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“Oh, not her. They deserve to see my beautiful face so don’t you dare get her. She’s already gone to their fan signs! What else would she want?” Bin sped off and started a whole lecture on why she shouldn’t go.

Hwang Eun-bi was their childhood friend, closer to Bin since they are the same age. Both of them loved to fight over smallest things and Sanha had to watch and get caught up in it. She had gone to few of Astro’s fan signs and Bin had lost it at that news.

“So, you’re coming with?” Sanha interrupted.

Bin looked hesitant. Sanha unlocked his phone. Bin’s mouth probably ran itself before Bin himself could think. “Yes.”

Sanha chuckled. Bin rolled his eyes at him, “Guess I’m the one giving gift on my own birthday.”

Sanha shrugged, continuing on to playing a game in his phone. In all honesty, he just wanted the fan sign to go well and a possibly impossible miracle to happen.

_26 January, 2019_

Sanha stood beside a stiff and nervous Bin, a very rare sight. Sanha had his turn right after Bin, which Bin claimed was good because if Bin ran away like a crazy person or stood frozen stiff, Sanha could be his spokesperson.

The order of the seating of Astro was starting with Jinwoo, followed by Myungjun, then came Dongmin and ended with Minhyuk. Sanha wondered how Minhyk would react. Bin would be in his presence for at least a minute after the revelation.

If this was drama, Sanha would be dying to know the next episode. Considering that it’s not, and it has his hyung involved, and possibly himself too if Bin attracts attention on Sanha, this was seemingly concerning to him.

He removed the snacks Bin had specifically labelled for Jinwoo. They had decided Sanha would have to do something instead of seeming like a partial fan who’s present for getting an album signed. Bin held onto the letters he wrote for each of them. Sanha knew this was the only thing he’d put so much effort in. He wished Astro would tell Bin to study or something, because Bin would actually do it then.

Bin also got the book that he went through on colors. It would be returned to him at the end, so Sanha couldn’t figure why Bin would put the effort to make little, cute notes here and there in the book on some colors with his comments while he completed it last year. Dongmin could very well get his own. Sanha guessed it was to show a small gesture. He was confused and when he asked Bin about it, Bin shrugged saying Dongmin would keep it.

Whether Bin could see the future or he had high hopes, Sanha didn’t know. Sanha just ran his hand through his recently dyed blonde hair; Bin had pushed Sanha to dye his hair whether or not Sanha knew it was colored. Sanha doesn’t even know why he agreed to it.

“Jinjin, you’re truly a mouse now.” Myungjun giggled from the side. Jinwoo was short, very much in front of Sanha.

Jinwoo shook his head with a certain fondness, “You’re not far off.”

Myungjun proceeded to be dramatically hurt as he turned to Bin mentioning how the fans were the only ones for him now.

Sanha smiled at the older man in front of him who gave a warm smile back, taking the snacks in his hands. Sanha just went on to ask normal things, making a conversation as Jinwoo signed the album. They were startled by Myungjun’s loud voice, “IT’S THIS GUY’S BIRTHDAY!”

He announced it loud enough for at least half the fans to hear it. Bin’s ears were red as he stared at the table, flustered. Sanha noticed that Dongmin didn’t turn his eyes to Bin yet.

A minute was quickly over as he was asked to move to the next member. Sanha got up at the same time as Bin who looked at Sanha in panic while moving to the next seat painfully slowly. Sanha could do nothing but push Bin towards it while he sat himself in front of the bubbly man who greeted him with a huge grin, taking the snacks and going on about Sanha’s hair color.

The next moment happened in a flash. Sanha heard the screeching of a chair being pushed back, his head snapped to the side, noticing Bin who was still standing and Dongmin who looked at Bin, fully surprised. He distinctly heard the concerning voice of Minhyuk which was blocked by Bin’s quiet voice, “I think this will be really helpful.” Bin pushed the book he was clutching onto towards Dongmin who sat down as quickly as he had got up.

They had a hushed conversation Sanha couldn’t hear, his eyes shift to Myungjun who glanced at Dongmin and then at Jinwoo, his face holding grimness. Then, just as quickly, his face flushed into a bright smile towards Sanha and he started talking all the things a Kim Myungjun would.

For Sanha, the rest went in a blur, Dongmin didn’t talk much, still kept a polite, heart-fluttering smile on his face. Minhyuk was unreadable with his blank face, continuing to do what he was supposed to.

He caught up to Bin, nothing was said until the fan sign was over and they were home, dinner eaten already. Bin handed his album to Sanha, turned to a particular page.

“I’m a living witness to a Korean drama.” Sanha gasped looking at the small sticky note in the end, on it, with an elegant writing was a number. “I can’t imagine how many would kill you for that note.”

Bin punched Sanha’s arm and Sanha yelped while Bin huffed, “Serves you right.”

Sanha pouted, “What’ll you do with it?”

“I’ll think about it later.” Bin’s famous words.

Sanha stared at Bin, then quickly snatched Bin’s phone lying in the mess of his bed and texted the number.

“Sanha!” Bin cried out. “What- Wait, how did you know my passcode?”

“I thought it would be Eunwoo’s birthday or Astro’s debut date. Seems you are smarter than that.” Sanha had a smug smile on, “Still cheesy though, 263016.”

“You little-” Bin sighed frustratedly. Bin was scary, very scary. But right now, Sanha found it amusing.

Before anything could go down, the text notification shot up. Sanha grinned while Bin deflated. Both of them turned their faces to the screen. Sanha had started with a simple hello and intro. Dongmin had replied back with a greeting of his own.

Sanha pursed his lips. “Call him.”

“WHAT?” Bin yelled into Sanha’s ear.

“Ow.” Sanha didn’t wait for any other words and called the number, handing the ringing line to Bin, who looked at Sanha in utter disbelief.

Sanha heard a very faint ‘hello’ from the device and jabbed the phone to Bin’s chest who reacted abruptly after seconds passing by. Bin got up, walked away, phone close to his ear.

Sanha pouted watching Bin walk out of the room. He wanted to listen to the conversation but he figured he could hear it from Bin anyway. He sat on his bed for an amount of time he didn’t know, just playing games on his phone, only stopping when Bin came back into the room, expressionless.

“Spill the conversation.” Sanha set aside the phone and looked at Bin as eagerly as high-school girl would for some gossip.

Bin huffed and sat down on his own bed opposite to Sanha’s. “He wants to take me out to eat somewhere. Sometime in the week.”

“IT’S A DATE!” Sanha squealed.

“Rocky’s adamant on meeting me, because I basically ran from the fan sign.” Bin continued.

“Oh. Good luck. He seems like a possessive guy.” Sanha said.

“Well, maybe I can win him over with my dancing.” Bin gave a half smile. “Oh right, you’re coming.”

“What? WHAT?” Sanha stood up as Bin looked smug.

“You don’t have a choice, really. I’m dragging you.”

“I don’t wanna be the fourth wheel!”

“I don’t think fourth wheel is a term.”

“Yes, it is. You three will be in your world and I’m supposed to sit there and watch!”

“I thought you wanted to know everything that happened.”

“I could hear it from you, why make me awkwardly sit there?”

“I don’t know maybe you could distract Rocky and Eunwoo and I can have our own date.” Moonbin chuckled dryly. “You could score a date with Minhyuk without asking for it.”

Sanha spluttered trying to say something before Bin cut him off with a smirk, “Don’t think I didn’t see how you were slowly being whipped for that dance machine.”

“Doesn’t mean I’d go on a date.” Sanha muttered.

Bin just laughed as Sanha ignored him, stuffing his face into his pillow. Sanha just shrugged it off, what could happen anyway?

_30 January, 2019_

Nothing happened. That was the problem somehow.

They did go to the designated place, with Bin wanting to change his get-up every second. Bin couldn’t stay still from the morning, he looked like a cat on alert. Sanha, on the other hand, remained unbothered. Or at least, he made himself be unbothered.

“Oh my god. I stalled it for an entire year. Is he mad at me?” Bin had asked particularly to no one, after trying on his 4th outfit.

“It’s Cha Eunwoo.” Sanha replied.

“And?”

“That’s pretty much the answer. Unless you want me to say in Lee Dongmin instead.”

Bin groaned while picking out his 5th pair. “What are you going to be wearing?”

“It’s a small treat. Not a royal dinner invitation.” Sanha deadpanned.

“Gosh, you’ll make such a bad impression.”

“Told you not to take me.”

“Here, try this and this one too.” Clothes were thrown to Sanha, who looked at it uninterested.

“When’d you become a fashionista?” Sanha yawned, continuing to scroll through his Twitter timeline.

“Ever since the Cha Eunwoo asked me on a ‘date’. Now, go.” Bin literally growled the words at Sanha and Sanha immediately set off to try the clothes.

In the end of Bin being a fashionista for most probably the last time unless a meeting-Astro schedule comes up, Sanha was settled with a white tee with a faded denim jacket over it along with black jeans while Bin settled at a white tee as well but with a beige coat over it and blue jeans.

Bin whistled, “Matches my light brown hair. Yours too, Sanha.”

“Doesn’t matter to me either way. It’s all white, grey, black.” Sanha muttered.

Bin just chuckled and soon enough they were on their way to the designated place. Bin again seemed stiff with trepidation as they entered a cafe. Bin and Sanha had to take seats beside each other.

The couple awaiting them did seem surprised at Sanha, having met him at the fan sign but not knowing his relation with Bin. The rest went just okay. They did just remain quiet for a while after ordering. Then they started off with a simple conversation gradually approaching the elephant in the room. Minhyuk would hardly say a word and just stare at his coffee.

“Thank you for taking the courage to approach me.” Dongmin smiled at Bin. “It must’ve been hard to come to that decision. I’m really sorry about this.”

Bin’s hand came down to Sanha’s hand rest, gripping it tightly. “It’s okay. I’m sorry about not doing anything about it for an entire year. And it’s fine, I never expected you to jump to me. I’m happy you two have a strong relationship, I really hope you two support each other well.”

Sanha could hear the underlying bitterness which he would’ve missed if he wouldn’t have been Bin’s brother. Wouldn’t have heard him cry about this situation. Wouldn’t have seen him terrified of facing it. He wasn’t sure whether knowing was better or not.

“We will.” Came a hushed response from Minhyuk. It must’ve been hard for him too, Sanha thought. Minhyuk seemed like he was ready to let Dongmin go if he had to, no matter what he himself felt. Sanha can’t even try imagining the panic Dongmin’s brain had. If anything, he knows Dongmin is a person with an actually angelic personality and would be heavily over-thinking over this.

Bin offered a smile as he finished the pastry he had ordered and got up, “Well, I hope we haven’t taken up much of your time. You must be busy.”

Dongmin looked conflicted on Bin’s try to leave early but he answered well and quick, “You haven’t, it’s fine.”

“Still, I think we should leave. Thank you for this. Good luck on the rest of the promotions, hope it’ll happen all without anyone getting hurt. Goodbye, Eunwoo-ssi, Rocky-ssi.” Bin smiled again and Sanha got up as well, bowing slightly and slowly walking off to Bin who was already leaving the café.

A hand gripped his own and he turned to find Minhyuk looking at him, biting his lip, “We’re sorry. Please take care of him.”

Sanha gave a half-hearted smile and nodded. He proceeded to walk out not before hearing a faint conversation he wasn’t supposed to hear.

“I’m not leaving you.” Dongmin’s soft voice.

“Maybe, there’s a reason I’m not your soulmate.” Minhyuk whispered back. 

“Baby, I’m not leaving you.” Dongmin sounded determined, his tone turned hesitant, “You turn this year, and…if they are better, if you do want me to let go, I will.”

“Never.” Minhyuk responded in a heartbeat.

Sanha could see from outside as Dongmin pulled Minhyuk close to him. Sanha ignored the slight pang he felt against the both of them for two different reasons and caught up to Bin.

“Hyung,” Sanha paused right behind the older. 

Bin turned back to face Sanha with a bitter smile. “How ‘bout a race to that park we used to go when we were younger?”

So, they ran. Like crazy brokes who heard of a 75% sale on grocery. None from the two knew who reached first but they were on the grass, lying down, laughing at themselves being drenched in sweat.

The laughter died and they were left watching the bright blue sky with fluffy puffs in all imaginable shapes.

“Back home now?” Bin asked.

Sanha turned to look at his hyung. The elder was still looking at the sky, his features tilting his to a small smile.

“Yeah.”

The word was lost to the wind, none of the two actually got up. A few minutes into listening to the wind, Sanha heard a sniffle. His heart ached as he glanced at the face that used to hold a Cheshire grin. Jaw clenched tightly, but that couldn’t stop the waterworks to breakout.

Sanha sat up, Bin following with soft sniffles and hands rubbing at his eyes. Sanha just leaned forward and engulfed his hyung into an embrace, caressing through the rough roots of his hair.

There was nothing to talk about now. They both knew everything’s set.

_July 7, 2019_

Or maybe not.

After that, Dongmin felt obliged to Moonbin, kept up with taking him for treats, just befriending him and so. Minhyuk joined them a lot of times. It was awkward from what he was told but Bin was right, they bonded over dance.

Sanha thought it would take a toll on Bin but he seemed fine. Sanha supposed Bin was cherishing what they had now.

Sanha sighed. What a perfect story for a drama. He’d earn plenty for producing it. Half the watchers would have Second Lead syndrome and he could happily read tweets of them crying for the supporting male lead.

Sanha watched this happen for a year as Bin got closer to the group. Sanha usually passed up on things, he was entering university anyway. That thought got him thinking of him turning 20.

“Changed?” Sanha questioned to Dongmin who was on the swing beside him, covered head to toe. He looked disturbed by something; probably whatever he said before.

Dongmin had asked Sanha to meet him, said he wanted to talk over something. Turns out, Dongmin was struggling with his thoughts. In the recent weeks, Dongmin feared he was having a change of heart towards Bin. He still loved Minhyuk, though. Dongmin was confused with all of this and clearly didn’t know what to do.

Sanha didn’t know why Dongmin told him. Sanha also didn’t know what to do. “Have you talked to Minhyuk about it?”

“I’m too afraid to.” Sanha saw Dongmin’s grip on the chains of the swing.

Sanha hummed in response. He had to confront Bin about this. He had seen Bin warming up to Minhyuk and vice vera. Sanha wondered if it was turning into something more.

Sanha forcefully pushed away the throbbing of his heart. There was nothing he could do if the three felt the same way for each other.

 _October 13,_ _2019_

Sanha was in the living room, watching Bin squeal softly over some edits of Minhyuk.

Sanha’s thoughts lined up to his talk with Dongmin the other day. He felt a knot in his throat build up, “What do you think of Minhyuk, hyung?” Sanha asked, hoping Bin got an implication of what Sanha was getting at.

Bin stared at him, sighing after a few minutes. “I guess something’s changing.”

Sanha left Bin to it, knowing the older had found the answer but just had to accept it.

Bin was starting to fall in love Minhyuk.

_26 January, 2020_

“Thanks again! Yeah, I know, come back safe. Love you both too. Bye~” Bin proceeded to blow a kiss into the camera as Minhyuk’s fake gagging and Dongmin’s giggling was heard.

A lot happened within a few months. After pushing Bin and Dongmin to think about their changing emotions, it was followed by a very slow process of delaying confrontation and ended in a polyamorous relationship. It was very new to them, but they were working things out slowly.

Sanha knew why Bin kept delaying a talk with Dongmin or Minhyuk very well. Sanha had to slap it to Bin’s face that he temporarily liked Minhyuk and it wasn’t like Minhyuk was his soulmate so Sanha was fine with his hyung being in a relationship with Minhyuk and Dongmin.

Or maybe he wasn’t. At least, he wanted to think he wouldn’t be petty about it but well no one can read his mind; might as well stay sad about it in your head. He still felt guilty all the same.

He didn’t understand why his underlying feelings took a sudden boost up on hearing about the relationship. His heart had a strong infatuation for the passionate dancer, now. Sanha liked to believe it would pass. That one day he wouldn’t have his heart swelling up with various emotions on looking at him on a screen. That he wouldn’t have to dismiss the heaviness of his heart with all the talking of Moonbin.

Dongmin, Minhyuk and Moonbin were about 3 weeks into their newly formed relationship. Current day, it was Bin’s birthday; he was 22 now. Astro had their overseas concert, so any meetup they wanted to do for Bin’s birthday was cancelled. A pity, since Bin turned into an adult.

Sanha gave Bin money again. As much as he has an idea of what to buy for his hyung, it’s best to let the person choose themselves. Or maybe not. Bin proceeded to drag Sanha with him to dye their hair again. Doesn’t seem like a problem but if the person being dragged knew their hair is going to be dyed in lilac, they wouldn’t go either.

As much as hair dyeing is a good distraction, Sanha did not want to end up bald. “I’m dyeing it pink.” Was Moonbin’s statement. Well, now there would be two baldies in the house. He couldn’t even see the color, what’s the point?

Sanha shook his head and let himself be dragged.

_20 March, 2020_

“Sanha~” Bin’s whisper interrupted Sanha’s hand learning a new piece of music on the guitar.

“Yeah?” Sanha looked up from his phone that had the sheets. Bin was laying on his bed, his legs stretched up against the bed frame to have his torso weirdly perpendicular to his limbs.

“Would you pick binge-watching few movies or a drama?” Bin asked scrolling through his phone held right above his face that looked sleepy.

“Mm, whatever works, I want to finish this first.” Sanha replied and turned back to the fingerboard and started playing softly again.

Few minutes later, a yelp came from Bin’s bed, causing Sanha to stop and look up again. Sanha laughed and put away his guitar.

“It’s not funny.” Bin grumbled. His phone had fallen directly on his face, probably from getting sleepy listening to Sanha’s playing.

“Oh no, it’s hilarious.” Sanha continued laughing and made his way to Bin’s bed where Bin had sat up, pouting.

“Drama?” Sanha asked.

“Yep.” Bin grabbed his laptop.

And so, they watched another cheesy drama, until Bin stopped it since the clock struck 12am, it was 21st of march now, Sanha was finally 20. Bin went out of the room, returning in a few minutes.

“Well, at least one of us legal to give a proper gift for turning 20.” Bin held a bottle of soju and two shot glasses.

Sanha sighed, a smile creeping onto his face. “Why is this so you?”

Bin grinned pouring them a glass each. “Well, congrats for being an adult.” They clinked their glasses and gulped the liquid down. It was bitter, so very bitter. The gasoline-like taste went down his throat; Sanha was sure his face contorted into an very expressive cringe from the way Bin laughed.

“You should look at your face! Drink again, lemme take a snap of you.” He said finding his phone amidst dying of laughter.

“Do I have fetish for drinking it just to cringe? No way I’m drinking it again, ugh.” Sanha worded his disgust bluntly.

“Guess, your that fruit juice person.” Bin shook his head and Sanha smacked him with a pillow.

“Maybe you’ll enjoy something else, you have to, you know. These things be the only company at one point.” Bin said.

“Yeah, company. They kept a well enough company for you, I’m talking of that one time you came drunk bawling your eyes out.” Sanha gave a small grin as Bin shoved his arm.

“That was when I didn’t have my relationship with Dongmin and Hyuk and thought no one would love me!” Bin pursed his lips, pouring a drink for the two of them despite Sanha’s protest.

“Still cheesy.” Sanha said as he tried not paying attention to his heart reacting to Bin’s relationship statement. He thought he’s have gotten used to it but it still stung. Sanha looked at the filled glass and gulped it down.

“Woah, I thought you didn’t like it.” Bin exclaimed.

“I don’t.” Sanha fake gagged, Bin looked at him questioningly. Truthfully, the bitter and gasoline taste covered the wrenching of his heart. But for his hyung, he’d have to come up with something else. “You missed your very last chance.”

Bin didn’t look like he was going to go with that but did anyway, “Dang it.”

Sanha grinned, “Now get this birthday boy something sweet.”

“Tsk. Demanding.” Bin said but went anyway.

Sanha chuckled as he watched the door open and close. He hoped his year would go well. Everything’s going good and happy. He wished it to continue that way. What would go wrong really?

_25 March, 2020_

Oh, everything went dead wrong. When Sanha finally saw color flush into his world, dread filled him.

His birthday had passed well and fine, he didn’t see his soulmate like Bin had for his birthday. Sanha didn’t know what to think of it. Astro had sent him text wishes. They always ended up having schedule around Sanha and Bin’s birthdays somehow. Maybe because it’s close to their own birthdays and debut date. It was alright though, still heartwarming.

No, nothing on his birthday. But close to three days later, when Sanha was in his room, strumming his guitar mindlessly again, he received a text from Bin. It said, “got d cutest bfs in the world ngl, be jealous agi-ya” with fire and smirk emojis at which Sanha shook his head. Bin was at Astro’s, he was allowed to visit there, so was Sanha but Sanha hardly came over and when he did he’d be third wheeling the eldest couple.

He clicked to open the pic, that’s when shit went down. It was a shaky selca of Bin, Minhyuk and Dongmin, all just woken up with bed hair splayed in all directions. Bin was grinning and Minhyuk was squinting at the camera while very strangely, Dongmin squished between them sleepily almost as if he was going to whine about being woken up.

Sanha’s hand shook as held the phone because he could see shades that were not black, grey or white. He didn’t want to look up, be attacked by blinding unidentified shades. He inhaled sharply, shutting his eyes close as he put away his phone and guitar slowly. He slowly blinked his eyes open, ignoring his head spinning from so much unknown information and walked around slowly, looking for the extra copy of the shades book Bin had given him after the soju on his birthday.

He grabbed the book plopped down on his bed but didn’t open it. More than the colors, what really terrified him was who got the color in his world.

_Minhyuk is my soulmate._

He bit his lip harshly, eyes stinging, mouth dry. He was surely in some kind of a fan fiction or drama right now. He clenched his fist wishing the knot in his throat would stop building up. _Ah, so this was how it felt._ He felt his heart shatter, he was _irrevocably_ in love with Minhyuk. He had tried avoiding to think about it, maybe because it would’ve had done no good.

It did have no good done, he was hopelessly in love with Minhyuk and there was no love for him back. Not any that he would like to get. Showing up as Minhyuk’s soulmate meant wrecking Bin’s entire relationship, and he was not about to do that. He felt horrified and helpless as he tried sucking in his break down, succumbing into it miserably at the end.

_Please be a dream, please wake me up._

. . .

Sanha didn’t know when he fell asleep from crying too much, but he did wake up feeling like shit. His eyes felt numb and he was totally not used to the sudden burst of vibrance. He needed to read the book before his brain went haywire with the excess visual stimuli and unprocessed information.

He made his way to the washroom, splashing cold water onto his face, trying to relieve himself of the dull throb in his head. He wiped his face looking into the mirror, whatever brightness was on his hair must be lilac. He was now looking into the eyes of a tired and defeated Yoon Sanha; he was made to stand in a battle which had his perish from the beginning.

He sighed. “What now, Sanha?” His voice was croaky and his throat was parched. He felt thankful Bin was spending time over at Astro’s. By the time Sanha could actually get this sorted, he wasn’t sure of.

He sat on his bed again, having the messed-up blankets that held the tears shed cuddled up against him as he took the book into his hands. He flipped through the pages, half registering, half not.

His thoughts were scattered; few bringing aimless ideas to do something about this, few were running various scenarios in his head, few were full of panic and a small group were the self-deprecating ones, the ones Sanha pushed back when he was 14. They mildly resurfaced time to time, Sanha wasn’t bothered. But this was not a good timing.

He had too much in his head and so he grabbed headphones, put the volume as high as to block any thoughts and put his playlist on shuffle. He curled up among his blankets and closed his eyes, just trying to focus on the music.

He didn’t know if his thoughts were blanked out, he was sure that he drifted into a nap sometime though. When his tuning out session was over, he was sure of what to do.

He just had to hope it went exactly as he would plan it.

_25 March, 2020_

“Minhyuk-hyung is yet to find his soulmate, right?” Sanha asked Bin, 2 days later.

Bin seemed alert about it. He slowly answered, “Yes…”

Sanha hummed, “What happens then?” Sanha didn’t ask it in hopes for himself. He already knew how that went. He just needs to make it seem like a normal question, not raise anyone’s suspicion.

Bin remained quiet. He sighed in a while, “Dongminnie said we let him go if he wants his soulmate.” Bin paused. His face held a frown as if he tried imagining Minhyuk walk away. His face then softened, he looked vulnerable, “I…I don’t think Minnie can handle Hyuk walking out of his life. I think even I can’t. We don’t want to hold him back though.” Another pause, another sigh. “We’ve talked about this, Hyuk said he’s not leaving us. I don’t think I want to hold him back if his soulmate is better for him…”

_Am I better for him than you two?_

Sanha felt bile rise up in his throat with that thought flashing for a split second. He aggressively downed some gulps of water. This was exactly why he couldn’t have Minhyuk know he was his soulmate. He can’t do that to his hyung who has only ever thought for Sanha’s happiness. He can’t do that to Dongmin who has been nothing but kind and caring to him through anything.

Most of all, he can’t do that to Minhyuk. He cannot have Minhyuk stray away from the happiness he is in. Soulmates were made for a reason but are really more of a preference. _The best person for that person._ If Sanha was going to be the best person for Minhyuk, he would do it by keeping those three and anyone else in oblivion to the fact that Sanha was undoubtedly in love with Minhyuk. A secret. Buried deep within him to his grave.

Now there was no way Sanha and Minhyuk would never meet ahead in the future. He had to bring color to Minhyuk’s word anonymously. He’s thankful that for the past year they haven’t meet each other. Or seen each other’s faces. Otherwise Minhyuk would’ve known. Things would have been thrown to shit before Sanha could do anything.

Sanha had a plan. He grabbed his black hoodie, “I’ll be out for a while. And hyung, you three will be good. Don’t worry.” _I’ll make sure of it._

Bin had a half smile on his face, “Oh~ Yoon Sanha, being cool, hm?”

Sanha chuckled and shook his head. He walked out slipping on the hoodie. In the pocket of the hoodie, he kept a mask and bag, folded. For now, he just took his phone out and texted Minhyuk to meet him, to talk something very important.

Minhyuk must’ve been surprised at the sudden text but Sanha received a positive reply _._ He smiled slightly, putting on the mask as well.

He reached the place he asked Minhyuk to come to. It was heavily crowded, Minhyuk probably didn’t had seen where Sanha asked him to come because of extra attention on important talk.

Sanha’s phone vibrated with Minhyuk’s text that said he was here. Sanha took a deep breath. Here goes nothing and everything. Just an eye contact for a split second should be enough. Sanha was covered head to toe, same for Minhyuk, only Sanha knew of it.

He spotted Minhyuk in the crowd. He slowly moved towards the oblivious man. The next scene happened in a flash. One moment Sanha was intentionally bumping into Minhyuk’s shoulder, apologising quickly and moving out of Minhyuk’s sight after the eye contact. Sanha saw Minhyuk bewildered for several seconds before he called for the man. Sanha was running through the crowd to get to an unnoticeable place. Once he did, he quickly slipped off the hoodie and mask, folded them up and placed it in the bag he had gotten.

Then he walked out, as if nothing happened. Sent a text to Minhyuk for the sake for normality. He spotted the dancer, still dazed.

“Minhyuk-hyung?” Sanha tapped his shoulder. Minhyuk’s eyes flickered to him, full of confusion. Sanha sighed, “I forgot that it would be crowdy at this time, let’s go somewhere else?”

Minhyuk didn’t respond, Sanha moved them nonetheless; last thing needed was an attack by fans. They ended up in an empty park, with ice creams in their hands that Sanha bought on the way. They were on he swings; Sanha was lightly swinging while finishing his, Minhyuk was quietly on statue mode, but consumed the frozen item slowly.

“So, that’s lilac?” Minhyuk probably tried not to have his voice quivering, but it did anyway.

Sanha nodded and mentally let out a sigh for the conversation he would be having. “When’d you find your soulmate?”

“Minutes ago.” Sanha remained quiet. “Bin told me about your hair, never showed a picture since it wouldn’t help anyway. It does look good on you I guess; except I’m trying to avoid having a concussion from all the different colours hitting me.”

Sanha let out a wry laugh, “Yeah, it does feel that way.”

“You met your soulmate already? It’s not even been a week.” Minhyuk looked at him incredulously.

“Well, I guess Bin and I had the same thing.” Sanha replied.

“So? Did they talk to you?” Minhyuk asked. Sanha smiled bitterly glancing at Minhyuk who didn’t lose his gaze on Sanha.

“Oh, she was making out with another girl when I saw her.” Sanha lied straight through his teeth.

“Ouch.” Minhyuk’s face softened into sympathy.

“It’s good, I can’t do much about it so.” Sanha really couldn’t. Rather wouldn’t.

“Did she see you?” He asked softly.

“Yeah, and slapped me because I interrupted their session.” Sanha grinned.

“Okay what a bitch, let me slap her back.” Minhyuk rolled his eyes.

“Keep your decency as an idol, hyung. I think I’ll find another fish.” Sanha chuckled.

“Well, mine came in and left like a flash flood.” Minhyuk exhaled.

“He must be either having someone or plainly not in love with you. And doesn’t want to make shit complicated. Either way you get to keep my hyung and not see a monotonous world so don’t sweat it.” Sanha sighed. Not in love with you. Impossible.

“Not in love with me? Impossible.” Minhyuk said as if he read it from Sanha’s mind.

“Gosh, M-hyung’s rubbing off on you, isn’t he?” Sanha retorted.

“Smart kid.” Minhyuk gave a smirk and Sanha tried to stop his heart from jumping.

“I’m a year younger.” Sanha muttered.

“Still baby of our group.” Minhyuk cooed at him. Sanha bit down on his inner cheek. He continued with a cheeky grin, “Let’s get a drink to celebrate our soulmates losing two gems.”

“I hate soju though.” Sanha smiled a little.

“Binnie told me to get a snap of your cringing face at any opportunity possible.” Minhyuk said and they laughed.

“You should go talk to your boyfriends, and get some recognition of the colours before you pass out from registering too many unknown ones.” Sanha suggested.

“That’s a good idea, my head is spinning.” Minhyuk said and fished for his phone.

Soon enough, Minhyuk was gone. Sanha watched his retreating back and let out a sigh. He didn’t feel like moving.

He doesn’t know how long he sat there until he got a call from Bin. He put the phone to his ear, mustering up all energy to have his voice not sound tired.

“Bin-hyung?”

“HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?” Sanha was affirmative that he went deaf after that yell.

“I’m coming home, don’t eat my ears.” Sanha responded and hung up. He heaved another heavy sigh, knowing he’s going to have to spit some lies to his hyung. He got up, legs feeling weak under the burden of the secret. All he wanted to do right now is shut off his brain, stop the splinters in his heart tearing him further every second and stop feeling like a broken mirror.

Solution: Sleep.

. . .

Of course, it wasn’t cosy blankets waiting for him at home. He’ll have to wait for that. Bin looking pissed was gaming aggressively on the console in the living room when Sanha arrived, half hour after the call.

“Oh, I though Minhyuk-hyung would keep you with him longer.”

“Yoon Sanha, you little shit, how could you not tell me?”

“Sorry,” Sanha muttered, “You know now, though.”

“Yeah. From Hyuk.” Bin deadpanned.

“Mm, isn’t his and my story sad?” He smiled a little.

“You were going to ‘drink to your soulmates losing two precious gems’, it’s anything but sad.” Bin rolled his eyes. Sanha didn’t reply, he felt his throat tightening, eyes stinging. He slipped onto the couch slowly, laying his head on Bin’s lap, closing his eyes.

Bin’s hand came down to his hair, caressing it. Sanha drifted into sleep, accepting that he’s going to have to face Minhyuk happy but not with him. He was going to have to be satisfied with what he had, it was better to have one world wrecked instead of plunging three others into chaos along with him.

_30 March, 2020_

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHADOOMCHIT!” Myungjun’s loud voice sang the song higher than anyone and Jinwoo decided to join his boyfriend by singing several octaves higher.

Sanha covered his ears, chuckling and singing softly. Bin and Sanha were dragged to Astro’s dorm to celebrate Dongmin’s birthday. They were finally getting to gather around, with no schedules interrupting them; Dongmin’s vlive for the day was over too.

Sanha laughed as the song ended because the first thing that happened was Dongmin’s face covered in icing, Dongmin countered by icing Myungjun’s face. While the ‘father-son’ duo was playing, Jinwoo was filming it; He was probably going to upload it for the fans.

Soon, they were washing their faces as Minhyuk went to set up dinner. Bin was laughing over the snaps he took along with Jinwoo, while making his way to the table. They were eating quickly in a few minutes, rambling random conversations around. They drank a bit too, Sanha hardly took a sip. Myungjun had more than he was supposed to, but the only difference was that he was louder.

With the hyungs half-drunk, Sanha was putting on a movie to watch. Astro didn’t have any schedules until after noon, so they were having a movie marathon. Sanha heard a bet going around for who would pass out first and who’d stay up the longest; He didn’t contribute to it. They’d all probably pass out by drinking during the movie.

Jinwoo was on the recliner opposite to Sanha with Myungjun sitting on one the arms, or actually just slipping into Jinwoo’s lap slowly, his head nuzzling into the rapper’s hair, murmuring inaudibly. That left Dongmin, Bin and Minhyuk to share the couch in the middle, all cuddly and cosy with each other. Sanha had the recliner to himself; the room was warm but he felt cold.

The first one to fall asleep was Dongmin, drowsy from the drinking, Sanha supposed. Dongmin was carried to Minhyuk and his shared room by a stumbling Bin who probably passed out next to older; he did drink a lot as well. Sanha thought Minhyuk would disappear into their room too but he stayed, stretching on the couch that was all his now.

The next was Myungjun, his head was leaning on Jinwoo’s and he was literally glued to the leader, who got up in the middle of the third movie looking sleepy as well, “Don’t stay up too late.” His sleep-filled voice murmured as he carried his boyfriend to their shared bedroom.

“Sanha~” Minhyuk’s voice cooed softly. Sanha wasn’t asleep yet, probably wouldn’t be. His eyes turned to Minhyuk’s voice, to be met by an angelic smile highlighted by the dim light of the television.

“Come here, agi-ya, you look lonely there.” Minhyuk chuckled; Sanha had been babied by the group members before, but it was the first time Minhyuk did. Oh right, he was drunk. Bin’s told him Minhyuk gets all clingy and affectionate when he’s drunk.

Sanha moved to the couch. The minute after Sanha came, he felt the older slipping towards himself. Soon enough, his head was against Sanha’s arm. His skin caught on fire when Minhyuk hands wrapped around his arm. Minhyuk drank some more through the movie.

By the start of the fourth movie, Minhyuk was completely curled up against Sanha, who didn’t dare to breathe. He heard a light hum from Minhyuk, who nuzzled the crook of Sanha’s shoulder to make himself comfortable, unaware of Sanha’s inner burst of butterflies with every touch. Sanha needed to get away, he really did. If he’d stay this way with Minhyuk, it would be too overwhelming for him.

But he probably couldn’t bring himself to distance because he knew he’d have to look at the pouting Minhyuk with puppy eyes. He wished Minhyuk wasn’t drunk but at the same time, his heart wanted to be selfish, wanted to have this moment, pretend they could be together for a while. Minhyuk was drunk, he told himself. Somewhere, he hoped Minhyuk was half drunk, knew what he was doing and not just mistaking Sanha for someone else.

“Binnie, I want to lie down.” Minhyuk’s soft, almost inaudible whisper reached Sanha’s ears.

Sanha inhaled sharply, his eyes burning. He was not going to cry over this, no. Absolutely not. He blinked them rapidly, swallowing a lump down. Beside him, Minhyuk slipped into his lap, stretching his legs to the other end of the couch, nuzzling his head on Sanha’s thighs and making Sanha’s arm wrap loosely on his torso.

They stayed like that for a bit until Sanha decided this was not right. “Hyung,” Sanha shook him gently, “Hyung, let me take you to your room.”

“Don’t wanna move.” Minhyuk said gripping Sanha’s arm tighter.

Sanha exhaled slowly, “Hyung, it’s not Bin-hyung.”

“Huh?” Minhyuk helplessly said. It took him a bit to come around, Sanha didn’t think he was that drunk.

“Oh, Sanha,” Minhyuk meekly said, getting off of Sanha’s lap, sitting upright beside him, “Sorry, guess I drank too much.”

Minhyuk looked slightly flustered, nibbling on his lips. “It’s okay.” Sanha assured him, “You were calling out for Bin-hyung, he’s in your room.”

Minhyuk nodded slowly, giving out a soft sigh. He sunk into the couch, resting is head on the top of it, looking at the ceiling.

“Aren’t you gonna go?” Sanha asked.

“Don’t wanna.” Minhyuk mumbled. He looked at the screen in front of them and so did Sanha.

Sanha didn’t know how much time passed before Minhyuk spoke again, “Do you think it’ll work out?” His gaze was still on the television, but his eyes seemed to space out.

“What will?” Sanha asked.

“This. Polyamory.” He answered.

Minhyuk was having doubts about his relationship. _You still have a chance_. Sanha felt appalled by his thoughts. He shook them off, right now his priority was to assure Minhyuk.

He still felt the thought in the back of his head, screaming at him to dissuade the boy beside him on his relationship, pushing him to reveal the secret he’s been keeping. Sanha had them evaporate.

“Well, you did okay with these months, you’ll be okay ahead, you just need to communicate well. Communication is the key to successful relationships.” Sanha babbled. It’s all the learnings he got from watching hours of drama.

Minhyuk looked at him, dubious.

“What?” Sanha asked slightly flustered, turning down to look at his hands.

Minhyuk shook his head from beside him, “Guess I’ll talk to them tomorrow.” He resumed to look at the screen.

Sanha nodded to that slowly, spacing out with his thoughts he was trying to block. He let his head rest on the couch, letting out an inaudible, tired sigh and closed his eyes, trying to have his mental jukebox play at the highest volume possible.

. . .

Sanha didn’t know he had fallen asleep. He woke up to his neck aching at an odd angle and a certain Minhyuk cuddled up against him. He resisted the urge to suddenly push the boy off of him to stop the sprouting butterflies in stomach. If he was trying to get over loving Minhyuk after all those months, it clearly hadn’t worked at all.

It was only a few seconds into waking up that he noticed the giggling from another person in the room. His eyes followed the sound to meet Myungjun’s mischievous one. The older was in a bright neon green shirt with his favourite checkered pyjamas and holding his phone’s camera towards Sanha.

“What are you doing?” Sanha’s voice came much low and hoarse than he expected, he doubted Myungjun heard him.

“Blackmail material. ‘Rocky’ is not a cuddler.” Myungjun grinned.

Sanha shook his head disapprovingly, “Where’s your boyfriend, I need to report you to him. How are you even up?”

“Didn’t want to be, head wanted relief, making something for Jinnie too.” Myungjun responded absent-minded, face brightening at his phone screen.

Sanha hummed in response, the shorter against him stirred, “Min?” He asked in a whisper.

“Sanha, hyung. You slept on the couch. Sleep now.” Sanha responded, ignoring all the stabs to his heart. He gently got up trying not to wake up Minhyuk further, positioned him in a better posture on the couch. Minhyuk sleepily looked around, half falling asleep again.

Minhyuk would be up in a while though, if yesterday’s drinking was anything to go by. Sanha moved to the kitchen, making whatever he could for a kind of hangover soup.

From behind him, Myungjun cooed, “Is this for me too?”

“Didn’t you make yourself some?” Sanha replied.

“Was going to, saw you softies on the couch, became distracted.” Myungjun hoisted himself on the counter top.

Sanha was still flustered about that, he just knew his ears turned red when the older chuckled. “Might as well make for the other three sleeping.”

“Aw, Sanha, so sweet.” Myungjun said.

“Maybe I should add garlic paste and sugar.” Sanha grinned at him as he got a frown back.

He finished and took a bowl to the living room; Minhyuk was getting up now. He had his head clutched, blinking harshly at Sanha.

“Morning, hyung. Have this.” Sanha handed him the bowl carefully, making sure the boy had grabbed it.

“You better have some for me too, Yoon Sanha.” A drowsy, sleep filled voice, Jinwoo’s mumbled so quietly, Sanha almost missed it. He made his way to the kitchen; Sanha got a headache from how loud Myungjun greeted the man. He was sure Jinwoo had one too.

“Thanks, Sanha-ya.” Minhyuk’s voice drew Sanha’s attention back. “Do you have more?”

Sanha nodded, watching Minhyuk disappear into the kitchen, yelling, “Stop being disgusting first thing in the morning, hyungs.” Minhyuk was out with two bowls, he flashed a bright smile at Sanha and moved to his room where Bin and Dongmin were. Sanha gave a small smile back, his chest feeling too heavy.

Sanha sat himself on the couch, staring at the black screen in front of him; mind unveiling imaginations of the three happily cuddling in bed.

 _He could’ve been with you_.

He’s happier with them.

_Lies, you’re his soulmate._

Fuck that. Minhyuk’s happy. Sanha would be happy as well.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the fic 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcomed
> 
> hmu on twt @/astrooohaa_  
> im in need of moots anyway haha
> 
> stay safe , love y’all! <3 <3 <3


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